We can’t deny that once in our life, we experienced the worst part of life, A heart break. I think nobody is exempted from it. That was the time you will experience the depression phase of your life. Asking yourself “What did I do wrong?” “Why it happened?” “How I can take the pain away?” There will be times that you feel that no matter how hard you do, you are still stuck on your current depress situation. You are still not getting the results you really want. You feel that life is so hard on you and everybody are against you despite the fact that all you just want in life is to be happy.
The question is, are you really doing enough? Or are you just doing a lot of complaining? Pointing fingers to people around you why you are not what you want to be is much easy than working. Blaming your ex boyfriend about the relationship that didn’t work is much easy than thinking how you can move on and fix yourself to be a better and not a bitter person. Stop being the drama queen sweetie. A truly classy lady has a strong personality. Knows what she deserves and knows how to fight back from heart ache.
Blast from the Past
Actually I have a story to tell you that I wish you could relate to. Way back when I was in college, I had a four year relationship with my boyfriend (now my ex.) Like any relationship, It was fun at first. We are so much in love on the first and second year of our relationship. But few months after. Things changed. I find out that he started to like someone else and despite of the signals I noticed during our relationship. I just didn’t mind those. Thinking that it was nothing and I’m the only one that he loves.
I think it has something to do with my weight as well because I was started to get fat that time due to school stress and maybe that is one of the reason why he started to look someone better and get attracted to pretty girls. And after graduation, we broke up. To make the long story short, I just found out that my friend, which is also my classmate is now his girlfriend.
I found it out when I logged in my Facebook account and saw all of their sweet photos announcing to the whole world wide web that they are happily in love. The most hurtful part is all of my friends and classmates seems happy for them and congratulating them like as if they are newly wed. I find my friends insensitive because they don’t even consider how hurt I was about what happened. And that was the time that I realized I don’t have real friends. and I don’t need friends either.
I hated what happened. And I hated myself even more. I feel I was so stupid that I was easily cheated on by that jerk. He told me that the reason why we need to break up is he wants to focus with church errands to pursue his dream of becoming a pastor. Funny isn’t it? Well, it’s just an alibi. and I was so stupid who believe that lie. I feel that I don’t deserve to be treated this way. But as a classy lady, I didn’t post anything unnecessary on social media despite of how much hurt I was. I act with class and decency because I don’t want to make a scene and rant about what happened.
How I moved on?
For me to move on, I used that heart ache as a fuel to become better in life. But like I always say, It is not a piece of cake. There were times that I still cry at night thinking that I was so unlucky to be in this position. Always remember that every heart ache give us a meaningful lesson in life. Moving on from heart break is just simple. But it is not easy. If some blogs have tons of ways to move on, Well, for me the 3F’s are the most vital ways for moving on.
If you plan to make a revenge to your ex. Please don’t do it. It is just a waste of time. The process of moving on is isolating yourself from the people that hurt you. You are already in so much pain and planning for a revenge will just worsen the situation because you are allowing your world to revolve again around them. That’s why here are the most effective and simple ways for moving on.
1. Forget them.
Yes you read it. Forget them. Program your mind to forget everything about your ex. In that way, it can easily forget the pain as well. That may sound simple. But like I always says. It’s not easy. For you to forget the pain from that stupid break up, Think and act like as if it didn’t happen. That you didn’t even feel hurt. You need to delete your ex to your life. The cause of your pain and suffering.
Have you experience to get injured? Well, if you are brokenhearted, you are also injured. Maybe not physically injured but emotionally injured. And for you to heal the wound and to fasten the recovery or healing process, you have to clean the wound and cure it with medication and make sure that there is no “bacteria” around that can cause infection. Right? It is same thing with your emotions. Don’t allow your wound to get infected. Don’t allow yourself to get hurt even more. Never stalk them on social media and never compare yourself with the current girlfriend which is your replacement. It can cause insecurities, self pity and jealousy that will make the recovery from break up take more time.
The question is, what if your ex is a person you can’t remove from your life like a classmate, a coworker or a guardian to your child? Well, simple as always. Like I always says “Forget them”. Treat your ex like a stranger because besides he is just somebody that you used to know. Ask him “Who are you again?” Haha! Trust me it will be helpful. Kidding aside. What I’m saying is just be civil with your ex if ever that there will be chance that you’ll see him again.
2. Focus on your own dream.
This is my favorite part. Be selfish. Now that you are single you will have much freedom to do the things you really want. Whether to start a new business or take up a new course, Just do it. It is liberating and relieving to decide on your own what’s the best for yourself without requiring much approval from your partner. After all, the only person that will truly loves you and stays for you in the end is “yourself”. This is now your time to take 100% responsibility on your own life.
Due to that heart break, I was able to focus on myself more. Work hard and save money for the future, travel local and international, build business and start investing, hitting the gym and clean eating and many more. If you have in mind that you think you really want to do ever since but didn’t got a chance to do so, It’s your perfect time to do it now.
3. Forgive them
You have to forgive your ex because no matter what, he is still your ex. You guys loved each other before. Shared beautiful memories and promises. He is still the person that made a huge impact to your life. But the thing is, past is past. There’s nothing you can do except to forget and learn from it. You have to forgive your ex and the people that hurt you to free yourself from hatred and pain. Remove that emotional baggage to start your life over again. After that, you will find genuine happiness.
Now that you know the 3F’s. It is now your time to turn those into actions. I found out that for you to move on, you really need to work for it. As in totally work for it! like getting your ass away from where you sit in and start doing what you really need to do. Right now!. You need to want “to move on” as much as you want to breathe. You have to build a desire within yourself that you need a change. That you are tired of crying, whining and blaming yourself.
If you don’t move on, your Ex will
Let me give you the best example. It’s like a baby that crawls everyday. and then few months after, the baby feels the urge to do something more than just crawling. It’s when the time that the baby trying to look at anything that she could hold on to to stand. The first time the baby try to stand, of course she will fall because her knees are not strong enough. But because of the desire to stand, the baby will continuously try hard for the second, third and several times to stand given the fact the she will fall again. Until her bones will be strong enough to balance her body. and that is how baby learned to stand firmly. That is how humans, us, learn at our very young age.
It has also a huge similarity on our current life. If we have dissatisfaction on our life, that means that you are looking for a change. Yes, you might fail several times. But you will get used to it until the day that you can now stand on your own and finally say to yourself “I think I’m finally move on”. Let me give you the best motivational movie dialog from Sylvester Stallone.
“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.
But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that! I’m always gonna love you, no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain’t gonna have a life.”
– Sylvester Stallone, Rocky Balboa
Stop Screwing up Yourself
Therefore, You have to make things work for you and not against you. That’s why stop screwing up yourself. Stop sabotaging your bright future. If you are in pain through a break up, fight it and do some actions to improve your life. Our world is not a wishing factory. If you don’t move on, your ex will. He will be happy and successful while seeing you stuck at the corner, whining like a loser saying “Why I don’t get what I deserve? All I want is to be happy”. Well sweetie, you know the answer and you know what to do. Do yourself a favor. Fight back and be happy.
So what are you waiting for classy lady? Move on and hustle..